In early 2017 I was just about ready to throw in the towel for photography. To the best of my ability, the only way I could put it was that I was burnt out and feeling a lack of purpose. I'll go into the feeling of lack of purpose in more detail later, but first I want to start with the feeling of being burnt out. I think this came from trying to define, even if it was only internal, that all I was was a photographer. That my only outlet, hobby, recreation, or anything else came from that definition of being just a photographer. I think I honestly had good intentions at heart, but I guess where I went wrong was mistaking strictness as a substitute for dedication.
As for the lack of purpose, this was much trickier to figure out. What it mainly came down to is that I didn't know why I was doing what I did. I focused so much of my energy, time, and money on taking pictures and I didn't know why. This bothered me and ended up taking nearly five months to work through. During this time I hardly went out to take pictures, and I was genuinely questioning giving it all up. I haven't quite worked it all the way out, but I where I landed was that I wanted to share how I see the world and tell the story of experiences. Perhaps that will eventually be through print, community, and maybe even a show, but for now, it's the most realized through my journal.
For whatever reason, when this all clicked, if I fully understand it or not, I became more excited and dedicated to photography than I ever had before. It was as if I went from running waist-deep through mud to zipping forward on a rocket ship. Now that there is an emphasis on story alongside the photos, there is no failure to my adventure except not going out at all. There is always the story of the good or the bad.
Even though this excitement kicked in in late April, I didn't start sharing my stories until late August. In the meantime, I started going on a ton of adventures seeing everything I could. I now try to write about my experiences as soon as I can afterward and have been working through my back catalog of adventures as a 'Retrospective' series on my journal. I'm working hard trying to develop who I am as a photographer and a writer, but the only way I will get better is by practice.
